爱
情和金钱的关系应该算是全人类共同的话题。但在中国，这仍然是一个言论禁区，至少在老一代人那里是这样。因此，近来在大量肤浅的交友电视节目中，年轻女生公开谈论择偶的金钱标准，恐怕是触动到社会的某根神经了。其中尤以江苏卫视的《非诚勿扰》和湖南卫视的《我们约会吧》为最。这两个节目在今年较早时候着实火了一把，直到6月9日终于碰触了政府的监管红线。事件的导火索是参加录制《非诚勿扰》的一名女选手马诺对欣赏她的男选手口出雷人之语：“我宁愿坐在宝马车里哭，也不愿意坐在自行车上笑。“这句话其实篡改了帕特里齐亚•雷贾尼（Patrizia Reggiani，Gucci创办人Maurizio Gucci之妻）的名言，她的原话是“我宁愿坐在劳斯莱斯里哭，也不愿坐在自行车上笑。”马诺俨然成为了中国的Snooki（美国真人秀节目《泽西海岸》的成员，以行为放荡不羁出名）。
虽然以上两档节目没有停播，但都依国家广电总局的相关通知进行了整改，整改后的节目“不得展示和炒作拜金主义等不健康、不正确的婚恋观”。果不其然，如今两档节目的收视率已经下滑。
中国文化专家表示，两档节目遭整饬的主要原因是节目内容太过真实。华东师范大学社会学家魏伟（音）猜测道，至于究竟是哪部分内容惹来相关部门采取措施，我认为也许是他们表达现实的手段过于坦率和直接，倒未必是内容本身有什么问题。
东京上智大学（Sophia University）比较文化研究所主任法拉（James Farrer）同意魏伟的看法，他指出：“一旦某些文化产品和中国共产党的价值理念不符，或是引发社会不满，以及涉及民众被压抑的欲望，那么此类产品肯定会遭中国政府的审查法拉同时还是《开放：上海青年的性文化和市场改革》（Opening Up: Youth Sex Culture and Market Reform in Shanghai）一书的作者。
当然，真正的问题不止这些。法拉解释道，在这个特例中，问题在于节目表达了青年男女对婚姻的焦虑。女性的问题在于她们仍然依赖男性，将结婚做为改善经济状况的手段。而男性则担心自己的婚姻前景过多地和金钱挂上了钩。
山西电视台1988年推出的《电视红娘》是交友节目首次现身中国荧屏。但是早期的交友节目并没有引起太多争议。法拉回忆道，早期的交友节目刻意淡化婚姻中的物质因素，非常关注命运口爱情之类的话题，帮助那些相互理解口感情对路的男女发展恋情。。
魏伟补充道，早期婚恋节目的参与者目的较为单纯，如果他们决定上节目，那么必定有交友和结婚的需求。至于现在这些新派交友节目，我认为作秀的成分更多，而不是真正为男女双方牵线搭桥。广电总局的整改令下发之前播出的那些集次这一点尤其明显。
整改前的《非诚勿扰》包括一个由24名单身女性组成的评审团，她们对前来征友的单身汉“严刑拷问”，很多男嘉宾都是没几个回合便败下阵去。那些撑到最后的男生可以从剩下那些还对自己感兴趣的女生中选择一位约会对象。气氛相对温和的《我们约会吧》则让男女双方进行互评。
冷丽是上海幸福生活婚介中心的婚介师，她认为这些节目反映了部分单身男女的现状：在电视上，有些女孩希望找到一个大龄男性（年龄可以是自己的两倍）。因为女方的家庭状况不好，所以找个有钱人会改变女方的境遇。因为这些女孩要的是钱，不是爱。
冷女士估计，持这种心态的女孩约占上海地区未婚女性的50%至60%。她说，来到城市的农村女孩感到自己的处境不公，她们见识了富裕的生活方式，想要过上这种生活，于是便不择手段。反之，家境好、受教育程度较高的城市女性往往拥有更多资源，因此也不会显得那么急功近利。虽然上海女孩因崇尚物质主义而出名，但事实是，在交往中，她们是最不看重对方的物质条件的。因为她们的家庭资源让她们可以拥有不逊于男性的教育背景和职业。
只消周末在中国的各大公园转转，你就会发现不同类型的相亲喜剧正在上演。家长们就像初次约会的年轻人一样紧张，他们聚在一起，相互展示和交换未婚子女的照片和背景情况。对未来女婿或儿媳的具体要求通常包括年龄、身高、收入和职业。如果是女婿，还得加上一条，必须有婚房。在中国，男方没有房产往往是双方关系最终破裂的主要原因。
婚房的需求是导致房产泡沫的根本原因。冷女士解释说，在上海，有一个家非常重要。很多人觉得结了婚以后要有自己的房子。现在更是这样，因为房价还在不断走高。。虽然少数女性可以只为爱情而结婚，但冷女士表示，大约80%至90%的人还是会要求男方有房，或至少有能力买房。这一现象可以追溯到中国人嫁女要求男方下聘礼的传统。聘礼是对女方父母的补偿，因为他们辛辛苦苦将女儿拉扯大，女儿却嫁入夫家，父母到头来两手空空。冷女士说，婚房的需求一直都有，只不过在上世纪60年代房子都是由单位统一分配的。
在公园里，那些父母张罗相亲的80%至90%都是未婚女孩。这些女孩虽然绝望却不肯降低标准。冷女士将这种现象归因为城市妇女不断提高的教育和职业背景。她说，男人择偶是往下挑，挑选那些更年轻、经济状况和智力水平不如自己的女性；而女人择偶则是往上走，挑选各方面都比自己强的男性。比如，一个有房的40岁大龄男可以找到25岁左右的年轻女孩。而女人通常不希望找条件比自己差的男人。
在人民公园相亲角熙熙攘攘的人群中，我注意到了一位叶（音）先生。他显然是这里的常客，而且直言不讳。他抱怨说现在女性对未来配偶的期望过高，尤其是在剩男不断堆积的情况下。他说，在这里，年龄在26至40之间的城市剩女都是择偶标准在200万人民币身价的“百万宝贝”，她们只想要房要车，不是真的想要你的人。农村女孩会便宜一些，但即便如此她们也要求一套婚房。
对于许多上海人来说，生女儿比生儿子好，因为后者的婚嫁成本太高。冷女士感叹道，男人担心钱包不够鼓，女人担心嫁不到有钱男。生女儿就得寄希望她长得漂亮；生儿子就得寄期望他长得聪明。
（编者注：Lisa Movius是现居上海的一位撰稿人）
（本文版权归道琼斯公司所有，未经许可不得翻译或转载。）
The link between love and money may be universal, but in China it remains a taboo subject, at least among the older generation. So a slew of lowbrow dating shows in which young women talk openly about their minimum standards in the wallet department have touched a nerve.
Two television programs in particular, 'If You Are the One' and 'Take Me Out,' exploded in popularity earlier this year before hitting the wall of government censorship on June 9. The trigger was 'If You Are the One' contestant Ma Nuo, who became the Snooki of China by misquoting the Patrizia Reggiani quip: 'I would rather weep in a Rolls-Royce than be happy on a bicycle.'
While the shows remain on the air, they are subject to a State Administration of Radio and Television directive that they not 'sensationalize unhealthy and incorrect perspectives on marriage and love, such as money worship.' Predictably, their ratings have dived.
Experts on Chinese culture say that the shows' true offense was being too realistic. 'As to what part of the shows offended officials, I think maybe it is the way they represent the reality, too frank and too straight, not necessarily the real content,' surmises Wei Wei, a sociologist at East China Normal University.
James Farrer, the director of the Institute of Comparative Culture at Tokyo's Sophia University and author of 'Opening Up: Youth Sex Culture and Market Reform in Shanghai,' agrees: 'The Chinese Communist Party censors cultural products when they touch a nerve that is not only out of line with Party values, but also seem to be tapping into a reservoir of real social discontent or repressed desires.'
And there's plenty of frustration out there, Mr. Farrer explains. 'In this case, the problem seems to be that the dating shows express the anxieties of women and men over marriage, the problem of many women that they still rely upon men for economic mobility, and the problem of men that marriage prospects seem so much tied to their economic performance.'
Dating shows first debuted in China in 1988 with 'Television Red Bride' on Shanxi Television, but they didn't cause much controversy. 'These previous generations of dating shows deliberately downplayed the material factors in marriage and focused very heavily on the ideas of 'destiny' and 'love' or developing feelings for the other person based on mutual understanding and the right chemistry,' recalls Mr. Farrer.
'For these previous generations of dating shows, I think these participants might have more genuine goal of dating and marriage if they decided to come to these show,' adds Mr. Wei. Of the new crop, 'I think they are more about 'show' rather than 'dating,' especially among the episodes before the censorship kicked in.'
'If You Are the One' originally featured a panel of 24 single women who brutally interrogated and often hastily rejected a succession of individual bachelors. Those who made it to the end with women still interested could ask them out. The similar but gentler 'Take Me Out' rotates women and men as the judges and judged.
Leng Li, a professional matchmaker at Shanghai marriage firm Happy Life, asserts that the shows represent 'a portion' of Chinese singles: 'On TV, women want a man double their own age, because their own family situation is bad. So finding a rich man will change their life-because they just need money, not love.'
Ms. Leng estimates that such women constitute about 50% to 60% of the county's bachelorettes. 'Rural girls coming to the city feel their situation is unfair, they see the well-off lifestyle and want it and get it however they can.' However, urban women with better educations and affluent parents have their own resources and are less avaricious. She adds that despite Shanghai girls' reputation for materialism, in dating they actually are the least so, because their families' resources allow them more educational and professional parity.
On weekends in parks around the China, dating dramas of a different type unfold. Parents as nervous as teens on a first date gather to display and swap the pictures and statistics of their unmarried adult children. The specific requirements for a son- or daughter-in-law usually include age, height, income, profession, and for men, having a 'marital house.' The lack of property ownership is the ultimate deal-breaker for Chinese women.
The required 'marital house' is chicken to the egg of China's bubbling property prices. 'Owning a home is very important in Shanghai. For marriage, people feel they must have their own apartment-now especially, because property prices are going up,' explains Ms. Leng. While a few women will marry just for love, she continues, some '80% to 90% need the man to have an apartment or the ability to buy one.' This phenomenon dates back to early Chinese dowry tradition, as a means of compensating maternal parents for the empty investment of raising a daughter who would join another family. 'A home has always been required, it's just that in the 1960s it used to be from the work unit.'
The desperate but still picky singletons advertised by their parents in the park are 80% to 90% female, which Ms. Leng attributes to women's improved academic and professional situation in urban China. 'Men look down, for younger, poorer and dumber women, while women demand men better than them. For example, a man of 40 with an apartment can get women 25 on up,' while 'women won't want someone lower.'
Amid the mob scene at the People's Park marriage market, I am cornered by a Mr. Ye, obviously a regular and outspoken fixture there. He complains of the expectations women place upon their potential suitors, emboldened by the growing surplus of men. 'All the city girls here are two million kuai girls, these old virgins of 26 to 40. They just want the house and the car, not the man. Rural girls are cheaper, but even they require a house.'
Many a Shanghainese asserts that Shanghai parents prefer daughters to sons as the latter require expensive property and other purchases to secure a wife. 'Men worry about money, women worry about marrying. If you have a girl, hope she will be pretty; if you have a boy, hope he will be smart,' sighs Ms. Leng.
Lisa Movius
(Ms. Movius is a writer based in Shanghai.)
Two television programs in particular, 'If You Are the One' and 'Take Me Out,' exploded in popularity earlier this year before hitting the wall of government censorship on June 9. The trigger was 'If You Are the One' contestant Ma Nuo, who became the Snooki of China by misquoting the Patrizia Reggiani quip: 'I would rather weep in a Rolls-Royce than be happy on a bicycle.'
While the shows remain on the air, they are subject to a State Administration of Radio and Television directive that they not 'sensationalize unhealthy and incorrect perspectives on marriage and love, such as money worship.' Predictably, their ratings have dived.
Experts on Chinese culture say that the shows' true offense was being too realistic. 'As to what part of the shows offended officials, I think maybe it is the way they represent the reality, too frank and too straight, not necessarily the real content,' surmises Wei Wei, a sociologist at East China Normal University.
James Farrer, the director of the Institute of Comparative Culture at Tokyo's Sophia University and author of 'Opening Up: Youth Sex Culture and Market Reform in Shanghai,' agrees: 'The Chinese Communist Party censors cultural products when they touch a nerve that is not only out of line with Party values, but also seem to be tapping into a reservoir of real social discontent or repressed desires.'
And there's plenty of frustration out there, Mr. Farrer explains. 'In this case, the problem seems to be that the dating shows express the anxieties of women and men over marriage, the problem of many women that they still rely upon men for economic mobility, and the problem of men that marriage prospects seem so much tied to their economic performance.'
Dating shows first debuted in China in 1988 with 'Television Red Bride' on Shanxi Television, but they didn't cause much controversy. 'These previous generations of dating shows deliberately downplayed the material factors in marriage and focused very heavily on the ideas of 'destiny' and 'love' or developing feelings for the other person based on mutual understanding and the right chemistry,' recalls Mr. Farrer.
'For these previous generations of dating shows, I think these participants might have more genuine goal of dating and marriage if they decided to come to these show,' adds Mr. Wei. Of the new crop, 'I think they are more about 'show' rather than 'dating,' especially among the episodes before the censorship kicked in.'
'If You Are the One' originally featured a panel of 24 single women who brutally interrogated and often hastily rejected a succession of individual bachelors. Those who made it to the end with women still interested could ask them out. The similar but gentler 'Take Me Out' rotates women and men as the judges and judged.
Leng Li, a professional matchmaker at Shanghai marriage firm Happy Life, asserts that the shows represent 'a portion' of Chinese singles: 'On TV, women want a man double their own age, because their own family situation is bad. So finding a rich man will change their life-because they just need money, not love.'
Ms. Leng estimates that such women constitute about 50% to 60% of the county's bachelorettes. 'Rural girls coming to the city feel their situation is unfair, they see the well-off lifestyle and want it and get it however they can.' However, urban women with better educations and affluent parents have their own resources and are less avaricious. She adds that despite Shanghai girls' reputation for materialism, in dating they actually are the least so, because their families' resources allow them more educational and professional parity.
On weekends in parks around the China, dating dramas of a different type unfold. Parents as nervous as teens on a first date gather to display and swap the pictures and statistics of their unmarried adult children. The specific requirements for a son- or daughter-in-law usually include age, height, income, profession, and for men, having a 'marital house.' The lack of property ownership is the ultimate deal-breaker for Chinese women.
The required 'marital house' is chicken to the egg of China's bubbling property prices. 'Owning a home is very important in Shanghai. For marriage, people feel they must have their own apartment-now especially, because property prices are going up,' explains Ms. Leng. While a few women will marry just for love, she continues, some '80% to 90% need the man to have an apartment or the ability to buy one.' This phenomenon dates back to early Chinese dowry tradition, as a means of compensating maternal parents for the empty investment of raising a daughter who would join another family. 'A home has always been required, it's just that in the 1960s it used to be from the work unit.'
The desperate but still picky singletons advertised by their parents in the park are 80% to 90% female, which Ms. Leng attributes to women's improved academic and professional situation in urban China. 'Men look down, for younger, poorer and dumber women, while women demand men better than them. For example, a man of 40 with an apartment can get women 25 on up,' while 'women won't want someone lower.'
Amid the mob scene at the People's Park marriage market, I am cornered by a Mr. Ye, obviously a regular and outspoken fixture there. He complains of the expectations women place upon their potential suitors, emboldened by the growing surplus of men. 'All the city girls here are two million kuai girls, these old virgins of 26 to 40. They just want the house and the car, not the man. Rural girls are cheaper, but even they require a house.'
Many a Shanghainese asserts that Shanghai parents prefer daughters to sons as the latter require expensive property and other purchases to secure a wife. 'Men worry about money, women worry about marrying. If you have a girl, hope she will be pretty; if you have a boy, hope he will be smart,' sighs Ms. Leng.
Lisa Movius
(Ms. Movius is a writer based in Shanghai.)
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