从
上周南卡罗来纳州州长夫人詹妮•桑福德(Jenny Sanford)提起离婚，到老虎伍兹(Tiger Woods)的婚姻因其出轨而岌岌可危，最近一段时间里，名人婚姻因为不忠而触礁的消息可谓层出不穷。这位身家亿万美元的高尔夫球明星以及赴阿根廷会情妇的南卡州长马克•桑福德(Mark Sanford)的故事正好从截然相反的角度讲述了经历外遇之痛的家庭如何得以走向重圆，或如何彻底破碎。
Associated Press
老虎伍兹今年秋天与妻子和女儿在一起
伍兹的“归隐”决定示范了近年来人们在婚外情问题上一种越来越常见的态度：经历过不忠的婚姻是有可能破镜重圆的，这一点尤其为心理治疗师、作家以及脱口秀主持人所认同。婚姻治疗师和顾问现在使用一种新技巧来提高保全婚姻的可能，即强调夫妇二人间的宽恕、理解和关系修复。治疗师米歇尔•威纳-戴维斯(Michele Weiner-Davis)撰写的《离婚闹剧》(Divorce Busting)以及佩姬•沃格汉(Peggy Vaughan)撰写的《一夫一妻的神话》(The Monogamy Myth)等畅销书都提倡婚姻要从背叛中恢复。
也有一些名人持这种观点。比方说，前纽约州长埃略特•斯皮策(Eliot Spitzer) 召妓丑闻曝光后，妻子思尔达•斯皮策(Silda Spitzer)仍力挺夫君；于是斯皮策的婚姻生活就成了最新热门电视剧《傲骨贤妻》(The Good Wife)的原型，该剧集讲述的是一位女士在她的政治家丈夫公开出轨后的生活和工作经历。另一个例子非前第一夫人、现任美国国务卿希拉里•克林顿(Hilary Clinton)莫属，希拉里因为在克林顿的偷情丑闻中始终支持他而赢得盛名。前民主党总统候选人约翰•爱德华兹(John Edwards)的妻子伊莉莎白目前也和丈夫保持同一阵线，尽管有报导称她或许正在考虑离婚。爱德华兹承认有一段长期的婚外情。
詹妮•桑福德则是个相反的例子，她在一份声明中说，在付出了许多徒劳无功的挽救努力之后，她决定提起离婚。作为南卡州长的桑福德在6月份时涕泪横流地承认自己跑去了阿根廷私会情人，他还在事发当周说自己希望保住婚姻。《华盛顿邮报》(Washington Post)针对此事撰文说，她的决定令人们的看法回到了以前，尊重遭遗弃的妻子挺起胸膛，拒绝支持她不忠的丈夫，迈步向前迎接自己的生活。如果伍兹的老婆艾琳•诺德格伦(Elin Nordegren)决定离开丈夫，《华尔街日报》绝对会为她提供一些有帮助的理财建议。
治疗师说，在一定程度上，经历过背叛的婚姻走向何方将取决于婚外情的动机。如果只是为了逃避与配偶的摩擦而出轨，那么这一事件可能是以一种意想不到的方式给婚姻中无法言传的紧张与冲突找到出口，在这种情况下婚姻恢复的可能性相对较大；如果是一种“出走式”出轨，即一方为了摆脱当前婚姻而行背叛之事，那么这样的婚姻在保全时会遇到更大的困难。
各位读者，在一段留下背叛阴影的婚姻中，人们是否应该尽全力挽救婚姻，在有必要的情况下彻底重整生活？你认为婚姻是否有可能从配偶的背叛行为中真正恢复？在这种情况下，是不是值得再给过错方一次机会？
Sue Shellenbarger
From South Carolina First Lady Jenny Sanford's divorce filing last week, to the adultery revelations threatening Tiger Woods's marriage, the news lately has been full of gossip about high-profile couples rocked by infidelity.
The stories about the billionaire athlete and the philandering South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford serve as contrasting examples of the prospects for a marriage damaged by infidelity to rebound - or not.
Tiger Woods's withdrawal from the PGA tour 'to focus my attention on being a better husband, father and person,' as he said in a statement, suggests that saving one's marriage is worth dropping your juggle altogether to devote 24/7 effort (a move, to be sure, that most couples can't afford financially.)
Tiger Woods's break exemplifies an attitude about infidelity that has been increasingly popular in recent years, especially among therapists, authors and talk-show hosts: the potential for couples to recover from infidelity. Therapists and counselors have developed new techniques that increase a couple's chances of preserving their marriage after an affair, stressing forgiveness, understanding and healing. Popular books, including 'Divorce Busting' by therapist Michele Weiner-Davis and 'The Monogamy Myth' by Peggy Vaughan, promote the idea of recovery from infidelity.
High-profile examples of this attitude include Silda Spitzer, who backed her husband, former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer, after his involvement in a prostitution ring was revealed (the Spitzer's marriage inspired the popular new TV series 'The Good Wife,' about a woman's life and career after her politician husband's public infidelity); and, of course, former First Lady Hilary Clinton, now Secretary of State, who stood famously by her man throughout his infidelity scandal. Elizabeth Edwards has so far stuck with her husband, John, the former Democratic Presidential candidate, after he admitted a long-term affair, although there have been reports that she may be considering divorce.
A different example is set by Jenny Sanford, whose divorce filing came after 'many unsuccessful efforts at reconciliation,' she said in a statement. Gov. Sanford, who last June tearfully confessed to an affair with an Argentine woman, told reporters that same week that he wanted to stay married. With her decision, a Washington Post article suggests the pendulum may be swinging back, toward regard for the spurned wife who squares her shoulders, refuses to back her unfaithful spouse and moves on. (If Tiger's wife, Elin Nordegren, does decide to leave her husband, the WSJ has some helpful financial advice for her.)
Therapists say a marriage's prospects after infidelity depend partly on the motive for the affair. Cheating that is motivated by a partner's desire to avoid conflict with a spouse can be an unconscious way of forcing unspoken tensions and disputes out in the open; marriages stand a relatively good chance of recovering after such an affair. On the other hand, an 'exit affair,' which is motivated by a partner's decision to quit the marriage, is more difficult to overcome.
Readers, should spouses make every effort to save their marriages after an infidelity, reorganizing their juggle if necessary? What do you think are the chances of a marriage truly recovering from one partner's affair? Under what circumstances does a cheating spouse deserve a second chance?
Sue Shellenbarger
The stories about the billionaire athlete and the philandering South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford serve as contrasting examples of the prospects for a marriage damaged by infidelity to rebound - or not.
Tiger Woods's withdrawal from the PGA tour 'to focus my attention on being a better husband, father and person,' as he said in a statement, suggests that saving one's marriage is worth dropping your juggle altogether to devote 24/7 effort (a move, to be sure, that most couples can't afford financially.)
Tiger Woods's break exemplifies an attitude about infidelity that has been increasingly popular in recent years, especially among therapists, authors and talk-show hosts: the potential for couples to recover from infidelity. Therapists and counselors have developed new techniques that increase a couple's chances of preserving their marriage after an affair, stressing forgiveness, understanding and healing. Popular books, including 'Divorce Busting' by therapist Michele Weiner-Davis and 'The Monogamy Myth' by Peggy Vaughan, promote the idea of recovery from infidelity.
High-profile examples of this attitude include Silda Spitzer, who backed her husband, former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer, after his involvement in a prostitution ring was revealed (the Spitzer's marriage inspired the popular new TV series 'The Good Wife,' about a woman's life and career after her politician husband's public infidelity); and, of course, former First Lady Hilary Clinton, now Secretary of State, who stood famously by her man throughout his infidelity scandal. Elizabeth Edwards has so far stuck with her husband, John, the former Democratic Presidential candidate, after he admitted a long-term affair, although there have been reports that she may be considering divorce.
A different example is set by Jenny Sanford, whose divorce filing came after 'many unsuccessful efforts at reconciliation,' she said in a statement. Gov. Sanford, who last June tearfully confessed to an affair with an Argentine woman, told reporters that same week that he wanted to stay married. With her decision, a Washington Post article suggests the pendulum may be swinging back, toward regard for the spurned wife who squares her shoulders, refuses to back her unfaithful spouse and moves on. (If Tiger's wife, Elin Nordegren, does decide to leave her husband, the WSJ has some helpful financial advice for her.)
Therapists say a marriage's prospects after infidelity depend partly on the motive for the affair. Cheating that is motivated by a partner's desire to avoid conflict with a spouse can be an unconscious way of forcing unspoken tensions and disputes out in the open; marriages stand a relatively good chance of recovering after such an affair. On the other hand, an 'exit affair,' which is motivated by a partner's decision to quit the marriage, is more difficult to overcome.
Readers, should spouses make every effort to save their marriages after an infidelity, reorganizing their juggle if necessary? What do you think are the chances of a marriage truly recovering from one partner's affair? Under what circumstances does a cheating spouse deserve a second chance?
Sue Shellenbarger
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