有
些人暂时辞去工作为的是能有时间陪陪自己的孩子。些人则是为了写书或是照顾生病的爱人，或是去非洲做志愿者。但很少有人辞去一份单调的工作仅仅是为了和爱人共度珍贵时光。
Everett Collection
我在一家非盈利性教育机构担任副总裁，事业成功。两年的艰辛工作之后，我决定休息一段时间。所以做出这个决定，并不是因为我怀孕了，或是工作太累无法照顾家中小孩。也不是因为我的父母生病了，我也没有被诊断出患有绝症。也不是因为退休近在眼前，我真的想抽出时间享受生活。
我决定休息一段时间是因为作为一个新婚不久、拥有三个学位但没有小孩的29岁纽约职业女性，我觉得自己眼下的首要任务是和丈夫一起构筑婚姻的坚实基础。
但不知为何我的选择不受重视，且一直有人质疑我的选择，在这些人看来我所以决定休息一段时间是因为：
a) 我的老公在著名的私募股权投资基金KKR工作；
b) 我刚生完小孩，或是家中孩子还小；
c) 我的父母年事已高，需要照顾；
d) 我被诊断出患有绝症（这种情况我真的应该停止工作）；
其实我想说的是：各位，我想选E：以上答案都不对。我只不过想花点时间构筑一个家庭，延长一下蜜月期。
在美国，相比钓到一个在KKR工作的老公或是得了严重疾病死掉的概率，婚姻失败的可能性更大一些。那么为什么发展和维护你和另一半的关系就不能受到重视呢？
一种可能的解释是，人们不像从前那样重视婚姻的价值了（与此同时工作对很多人来说是神圣不可侵犯的），比如《时代》杂志（Time）和皮尤中心（Pew）联合进行的调查就发现近40%的美国人认为婚姻是过时的产物。既然美国有全球最高的再婚率，那么下面这个假设就可以当作一个基本事实了：如果你的婚姻失败了，你总能再找到另一段婚姻。
话虽如此，但谁又不想像沃克尔那样，延长一下自己的“蜜月期”呢？时间虽然短暂，但又是如此的甜蜜。初恋有一种强迫性的特质，会诅咒此后年复一年单调的婚姻生活。科学家们甚至发现，沉浸在浪漫爱情阵痛中的恋人们，其大脑中血清素的水平和患有强迫性神经官能症病人差不多。血清素是一种会影响人类情绪的化学物质。
就算你不想或没法儿辞职，依然有低调的办法能让你和爱人重新擦出爱情的火花。事实上你只要稍稍改变日常作息就会收到很好的效果。比如每天只要提前15分钟回家，每周你就能和爱人多呆1.25个小时。再比如每隔几个月就订一晚的旅馆，把孩子留给公婆或可靠的保姆照顾。在属于你们的晚上，对爱人说声谢谢，发自内心的做爱，真诚的交谈。我的博客Spousonomics上有很多关于经营婚姻的技巧。
或者，你干脆像沃克尔一样，为了爱情放弃工作。
沃克尔告诉我，她此前的工作非常耗时。如果她的朋友和家人没有事前告诉她相关安排，或是不能在两分钟内将意思表达清楚，那么她就没有时间了。订婚后，她意识到这不是自己想要的婚姻生活，于是就和未婚夫商量，以他们的经济实力，沃克尔至少可以一年不用上班。就这样，她辞去了工作，减了体重，学会做饭，并真诚地开始和丈夫沟通诸如“我们到底要如何过日子之类的话题”。
这样过了三个月，沃克尔感觉很好，但也准备打算重返职场了。她开始做一些咨询类的工作。她的丈夫亚伦•沃克尔（Aaron Walker）说自己还是看到了妻子身上的明显变化，虽然沃克尔现在又重新开始工作了，并和以往一样积极努力，但她变得更加善良体贴，依旧是自己当初爱上的那个女人。
亲爱的读者们，你怎么看待为了婚姻暂时辞去工作的这种做法？你同意沃克尔的看法吗──时下发展和巩固夫妻关系并不受人重视？如果你无法或不愿辞去工作，那么你又打算如何与另一半恢复已经渐渐冷却的夫妻关系呢？
Paula Szuchman
（本文版权归道琼斯公司所有，未经许可不得翻译或转载。）
Some people take time off work to be with their children. Others take a break to write a book or care for an ailing loved one or to volunteer in Africa. But it's the rare person who steps off the treadmill to spend quality time with a spouse.
That's what Ifeyinwa Offor Walker recently did, and she's not getting a lot of pats on the back. In an email to The Juggle, Walker writes:
After two grueling years as a successful VP at an education non-profit, I decided to take some time off. Not because I was having a baby or had small children at home that I was too exhausted to engage with. Not because my parents were sick. Not because I was diagnosed with a terminal illness. Not because I saw retirement looking me in the eye and wanted to make sure I really took time off to enjoy life.
I took time off because as a recently-married, three-degree-holding, child-free, 29-year-old woman in New York, my priority is growing a solid foundation for my marriage/relationship with my husband.
But somehow, this just isn't valued. I receive questions all the time about my choices.
You are taking time off because:
a) your husband works for KKR
b) you just had a baby/have small children at home
c) your parents are aging and need care
d) you've been diagnosed for a terminal illness (in which case you should really just stop working!)
What I really want to say is, 'Hey folks, I'm actually choosing e) none of the above. I'd like to spend time building a home and extending the honeymoon period.'
In a country where you're more likely to fail in your relationship than you are to land a husband who works at KKR or end up with a serious disease, why isn't developing and growing your personal relationships valued?
Here's one possible answer: Marriage itself isn't as valued as it once was. (Work, meanwhile, is sacrosanct for many people.) A recent Time magazine/ Pew survey finds that nearly 40% of Americans think marriage is obsolete, for instance. And since we have one of the world's highest rates of remarriage, it might just be a given that if your marriage fails, you can always find another one.
That said, who wouldn't want to follow Ms. Walker's lead and extend the 'honeymoon period'? It's so brief, yet so sweet. Early love has an obsessive quality to it that's anathema to the year-after-year-ness of married life. Scientists have even found that people in the throes of romantic love, in so-called limerent states, have levels of serotonin─a chemical in the brain that affects mood─akin to people with obsessive-compulsive disorder.
Short of quitting your job, there are some less-dramatic, yet effective ways to recapture some of the spark. Indeed, some small changes in your routine can have big results. Come home just 15 minutes earlier from work every day, for example, and you'll gain 1.25 hours a week of time with your spouse. Book a motel for a night every couple of months and leave the kids with the in-laws or a trusted sitter. Say thanks. Have sex (spontaneously). Talk. (I have more tips and news on managing marriage on my Spousonomics blog)
Or, you could go all in like Walker did and choose love over work.
Walker told me that her work had become so all-consuming that if her friends and family didn't send her 'an agenda or couldn't get their point across in two minutes, I just couldn't be bothered.' After she got engaged, she realized this wasn't how she wanted to conduct her marriage. She and her then-fiance agreed they could afford for her to take at least a year off from work. She lost weight, learned to cook and started talking to her husband, like really talking, about 'how we want to live our lives.'
Three months into it, Walker felt great, but was ready to work again. She started doing some consulting work. Her husband, Aaron Walker, says he still sees a noticeable difference in his wife. 'Even though Ify is working now and is just as driven as always, she is a much kinder and thoughtful person the woman I fell in love with.'
Readers, what do you think about leaving a job to focus on your marriage? Do you agree with Walker's assertion that developing and growing personal relationships isn't valued so much these days? Short of quitting your job, how do you reconnect─or just connect─with your spouse?
Paula Szuchman
That's what Ifeyinwa Offor Walker recently did, and she's not getting a lot of pats on the back. In an email to The Juggle, Walker writes:
After two grueling years as a successful VP at an education non-profit, I decided to take some time off. Not because I was having a baby or had small children at home that I was too exhausted to engage with. Not because my parents were sick. Not because I was diagnosed with a terminal illness. Not because I saw retirement looking me in the eye and wanted to make sure I really took time off to enjoy life.
I took time off because as a recently-married, three-degree-holding, child-free, 29-year-old woman in New York, my priority is growing a solid foundation for my marriage/relationship with my husband.
But somehow, this just isn't valued. I receive questions all the time about my choices.
You are taking time off because:
a) your husband works for KKR
b) you just had a baby/have small children at home
c) your parents are aging and need care
d) you've been diagnosed for a terminal illness (in which case you should really just stop working!)
What I really want to say is, 'Hey folks, I'm actually choosing e) none of the above. I'd like to spend time building a home and extending the honeymoon period.'
In a country where you're more likely to fail in your relationship than you are to land a husband who works at KKR or end up with a serious disease, why isn't developing and growing your personal relationships valued?
Here's one possible answer: Marriage itself isn't as valued as it once was. (Work, meanwhile, is sacrosanct for many people.) A recent Time magazine/ Pew survey finds that nearly 40% of Americans think marriage is obsolete, for instance. And since we have one of the world's highest rates of remarriage, it might just be a given that if your marriage fails, you can always find another one.
That said, who wouldn't want to follow Ms. Walker's lead and extend the 'honeymoon period'? It's so brief, yet so sweet. Early love has an obsessive quality to it that's anathema to the year-after-year-ness of married life. Scientists have even found that people in the throes of romantic love, in so-called limerent states, have levels of serotonin─a chemical in the brain that affects mood─akin to people with obsessive-compulsive disorder.
Short of quitting your job, there are some less-dramatic, yet effective ways to recapture some of the spark. Indeed, some small changes in your routine can have big results. Come home just 15 minutes earlier from work every day, for example, and you'll gain 1.25 hours a week of time with your spouse. Book a motel for a night every couple of months and leave the kids with the in-laws or a trusted sitter. Say thanks. Have sex (spontaneously). Talk. (I have more tips and news on managing marriage on my Spousonomics blog)
Or, you could go all in like Walker did and choose love over work.
Walker told me that her work had become so all-consuming that if her friends and family didn't send her 'an agenda or couldn't get their point across in two minutes, I just couldn't be bothered.' After she got engaged, she realized this wasn't how she wanted to conduct her marriage. She and her then-fiance agreed they could afford for her to take at least a year off from work. She lost weight, learned to cook and started talking to her husband, like really talking, about 'how we want to live our lives.'
Three months into it, Walker felt great, but was ready to work again. She started doing some consulting work. Her husband, Aaron Walker, says he still sees a noticeable difference in his wife. 'Even though Ify is working now and is just as driven as always, she is a much kinder and thoughtful person the woman I fell in love with.'
Readers, what do you think about leaving a job to focus on your marriage? Do you agree with Walker's assertion that developing and growing personal relationships isn't valued so much these days? Short of quitting your job, how do you reconnect─or just connect─with your spouse?
Paula Szuchman
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